i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
