Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize