Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
