if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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