a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
