she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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