Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
