What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
