My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you would pick up someone in the library
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
