Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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