South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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