just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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