you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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