I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
