He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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