I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
