You smell like stripper and shame
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize