you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
