forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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