I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize