I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
