Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
