hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
why do cheetos always look like penises
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
