Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
