he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize