Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
