She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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