the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
