id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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