dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
