I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
