tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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