dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's like heaven, but drunker
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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