I hate your face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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