This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
