ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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