So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
