I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
