bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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