You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
