Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize