Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize