Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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