She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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