I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
