I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
