Someone shit on the floor
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
