Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
