When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
