My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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