Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
