I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
