dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
