I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize