i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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