Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm having to shit out rocks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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