Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize