Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
