What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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