That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize