Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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