There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
