oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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