if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
