also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize