I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
