After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
