For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My life is pants optional.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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