then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize