I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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