The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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