Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize