One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
