remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
