Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
time to smoke my breakfast
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
