I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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