she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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