Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
worst night to have a conscience
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
