I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
