His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
