Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
