she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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