i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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