Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
