don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
