i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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