Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
