I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
