dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
