I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
