Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
