I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
