i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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