Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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