covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
