My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
