I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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