Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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