Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
