It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
