between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize