I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
