Screwed.edu
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
