You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
