just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
