She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
