DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
