I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
